Well, in less than a week I will officially join the “uterus-free” club! I get a few butterflies in my stomach thinking about it, but on Tuesday I will have a total hysterectomy! Its been a decision that’s been in the wings for the past year. I’ve consulted several doctors, and all have agreed! The concensus is: Doing a hysterectomy on a woman 33 years old is radical. But, with a 15 year history of severe hormonal headaches, a ridiculously long list of tried and failed interventions and therapies, and actual improvement happening over the past year as they medicinally induced a state of menopause…if there’s one person they think it makes sense for, it is me!
I actually feel little to no attachment to my child-bearing parts, which is, I believe, total grace! I know so many women who feel so differently, and I’m glad it is not the case for me! We have three gorgeous girls! I have been pregnant once and felt quite horrendous! After 15 years of migraines, the thought of going through another pregnancy, potential breast feeding, (having few if any options of treating the headaches that would inevitably come with that from all the hormonal changes)…it is just not appealing in any way, shape or form! I had a dream one night that I found out I was pregnant and I was bawling hysterically in my dream. I’m sure part of that is being totally overwhelmed with the girls I have, trying most of the time just to keep my head above water…which I know is not what I will feel like forever! And part of it is the level of pain I have been in as a result of my hormones! I am so ready for the first month I go through that I actually have stable hormones!!!
Another reason we are okay with it all is that if we were to ever add to our family, we would want a guarantee that our new addition would be a boy! Our house has all the estrogen, drama and emotion that one household could possibly need. And with Travis having one of the best adoption assistance programs nationwide at his work, we are in a great place to adopt a little boy, down the road, if we ever decide to.
Ya know, its just never been all that important to me that we have a biological child. When we were newly married, we tried to get pregnant and significantly grieved the child we lost, but I am a mom, which is what I’ve always wanted to be. My headaches have such a profound impact on my life and my ability to parent well, and I want to parent the girls I have as best I can. Its not important enough to go through all that pain, the mood swings, the missed time, just so I can deliver a child of my own. Nope, I just want to be a mom! And as good a mom as I can be to the kids God has already entrusted to me! So, Tuesday is the big day!!
We are praying that Travis’ family medical leave gets approved, as I am going to be significantly out of commission for a good two weeks, and still recovering for several weeks after that. Travis will hopefully start two full weeks off of work on Tuesday! Most dad’s get nervous and a little overwhelmed about being left with the kids all by themselves…but my husband gets excited and looks forward to it. Sometimes I wonder whether he’s a little too excited to see me go! Right now he is working 2nd shift, a new switch from 3rd shift just a few weeks ago, so the only time he even sees the kids is when he gets them up and ready for school. He does the morning school run and then he doesn’t see them again until the next morning. It really stinks! So, he’ll get some much needed time with them, while also getting the joy of all the household duties, and a little free time to tinker with his tv and antenna he’s been messing with.
I’m trying to prep the girls for being “gentle” with mommy…a word that sometimes I think escapes the girls’ understanding. They are very physical girls! I call them my “WWF ballerinas”! Madeline, age 5, weighing 52 pounds, still likes to be carried on occasion! So, I’m actually looking forward to a couple of weeks not lifting anyone, not having a child throw themselves on me, and being able to redirect all whining to daddy!!! Just a little of the upside of major abdominal surgery!
Well, I have to go back downstairs to do hair! I’m trying to get all three heads braided before my surgery so Travis doesn’t attempt to do their hair! I told Madeline tonight that she better lay down and let me braid or she might end up with a pony tail sticking straight off her forehead! 🙂 Travis actually has a little more skill than that, but there are not many guys who care all that much about hair! So, off to braid!