Madeline’s first real day of preschool is tomorrow morning, and I feel nervous for her! We went to her supply drop off and she did such a fantastic job. She was friendly, asked kids to play with her, introduced herself, even went up to kids and asked if she could play with them. The responses she received were really disappointing to her. She had to ask one girl if she could play 4 times in a row, and then her face dropped, she looked up at me, and said, “Mama, she’s not answering me.” I tried my best to help facilitate introductions, negotiate disagreements, etc., but all of the kids were so much in their own world, it was hard. It was a one hour deal, absolutely no structure, just a drop off and play for a bit type of thing. I think all the kids were nervous about not knowing anyone, most played by themselves, and there was nothing organized to help the kids get to know one another or have fun with each other. That will all happen once they actually begin classes, and I’m sure the kids will relate more and in different ways, especially with the teachers more directly involved. But, it just hurts your heart to see your child (who, to be honest, I was a little concerned about her being one of the ones to not play well), try so hard and she used such good manners with the kids, and then to see her leave feeling like no one wanted her to be there. She was so excited to get there and meet everyone, but as we walked out she said, “Mama, I don’t think I want to come to preschool. The kids were just taking things from me and not talking to me.” I just tried my best to encourage her and said, “But ya know what honey, you did so good being polite, and asking for things nicely, even when the kids weren’t nice about things to you. You did great in there! And I think everybody was nervous. When your real classes start, you’ll all be doing activities together and reading books, and playing. It will get better!” And I pray it does.
She was really sensitive for the rest of the day and my mom and I just tried to love on her as much as we could. I could really see the insecurity and loneliness come out in her. She’s such a facial expressions kind of “feeler” so she’s pretty easy to read, especially when you have the opportunity to just sit and watch her interact. But, this week she’s also had the adjustment of having her sisters gone almost the entire day. That’s a big change too. Whenever she comes with me somewhere and the girls are at home or together somewhere else, the first thing out of her mouth is, “Oh, I miss the girls!” She waits all day for them to come home from school, and when they do, the older two haven’t seen each other either, so they’re talking all about school and what they did. And they’re tired and sometimes edgy from the long day, which is understandable. Its just hard being the little one in such a different world.
I know, I know, she’s my baby! And I’m protective of her, especially after the difficulties with the girls and hearing about how bad it was for her (from Emma) at the orphanage. I think loneliness has been such a hallmark emotion for her. But I feel like this about all my girls. You just hate to see them hurt, or feel alone, or doubt how beautiful they are…when they are such great kids! But I do trust that God is watching over them, and loves them. It was so cute…we were driving in the car after being at her preschool and a song came on about God always being there for us. I told her that when she is at school, that God sends His angels to always be with her, and He’s there too, to talk to anytime she feels sad or alone. And she said, “And God will say, you be nice to my Madeline. And if the kids are not being nice He will tell them to stop it. And He will say its okay, I’m here. Don’t be afraid.” I love that kid!
Well, more later. Have to get some sleep. Rebekah, Mark and James come in town in the morning and I don’t want to start the weekend off exhausted! Enjoy your holiday weekend!