Okay so let me set the stage…
My oldest daughter, who is a very capable, independent and good-hearted girl, is also quite stubborn, controlling and has (what we call in our house) an “attitudie“ issue at times. Ya know, the good and the bad side of our strengths. Well, at this stage in the game, her lack of good anger control skills and the way her attitude permeates many of her interactions…grrrrr…ya know, God love her, but I’d like to whack that little behind at times!
Well today, in a moment of discipline, and in her moment of rage responding to that discipline, I hear her slam HARD her bedroom door. Then I hear screams for mom…like blood curdling screams. It took me a few second to differentiate fury screams from something is wrong screams. But I thought I should check just to be sure something didn’t happen. I walk in the door and see her holding her already swelling and blackening thumb in the air. Apparently she had gone up to her room, stood in her doorway, had her hand in the hinge side of the door (without knowing her thumb was in the part of the door that was going to slam, she grabbed the door handle and (because she had a message to send to me downstairs) just yanked that door shut hard. Her thumb got squished in the hinge side of the door and the door actually latched, so she had to turn the door handle to unhook the door and open it. Her thumb instantly began to swell and turn purple.
Ya know, some people may have no problem with what I didn’t next, but for me, it wasn’t one of my most proud moments of parenting. I was still coming down off of being angry at her and when I saw her thumb the first words out of my mouth were, “That’s one of the consequences for slamming your door! Why do you think Daddy and I tell you not to?” In looking back I told Emma how easy it is as a parent not to take those moments and say “I told you so!”, and forget that the most important thing is how you are doing. We agreed that the “This is a good lesson to learn in whether we slam doors!” could have and should have happened once she was physically taken care of.
So, the ER visit showed no broken bones…YAY…its her writing hand! But so much blood had pooled up under her skin and nail that they needed to drain it. The doc lied and told her this would just be a pinch, but instead he jammed this needle half way into her thumb. He kept apologizing afterwards and said he does that to keep you calm so kids don’t freak out by him saying, “Now this needle is going to hurt like hell!” So, she got lied to, and lived to tell the tail. That was to numb her thumb. Then, they got one of those handy little burning tools that can prick a hole through your nail. AMAZING!!! It gets red hot instantly and it just melted into her nail. Within about 2 seconds, as soon as he broke the underlying skin, blood shot out of her thumb all over the blanket on her lap. I think it freaked her out at first, but then it was something cool she could tell people about. It just kept bleeding and bleeding and bleeding… So, they sent us home with Motrin and bandaging instruction and best wishes.
Our $100 ER copay became worth it when I heard her say, “I am never slamming my door again!” I don’t expect those words to remain a reality till she’s 18, but if it can buy us some time right now and at least put off the door slamming until she’s in JHigh…when most of it starts anyway.
I have to say though that I probably felt a little too much enjoyment each time she had to tell someone new how the injury happened. I think she had to repeat it 5 or 6 times. Poor kid, the last times she was asked she just looked at me and said, “Oh, you tell it.”
Its a hard way to learn a hard lesson! So what did we learn from this? There must be better ways of handling anger/rage than doing something destructive that could hurt me, something that belongs to me, or someone else. AKA -slamming doors isn’t a good idea. And I learned that saying I told you so might be better saved for another time…not when someone is still screaming from the injury! 
Oh…we’re always learning aren’t we?
1 Comment
September 23, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Okay, I admit it.. I had to smile as I read this! It took me Immediately back to rearing Sarah. We only had the one ‘real’ door (the bathroom). The other doors are the old-fashioned accordian doors, which, by the way, do not slam easily nor loudly! While we never had to rush to the ER for bodily damage.. that poor bathroom wall has taken more than one hit, repair and redamage. Anger, rage at any age can be daunting. Learning how to vent?? I’d say, it’s a never-ending learning process. God Bless you all!!! Give those girls a hug from their Auntie Barb; wish I could put a kiss on that boo-boo too. Charish even these moments, they are gone too soon.